I have become such a loser when it comes to writing on my blog. I have started 3 posts in recent months, and then just never finished them. I guess it's b/c I start writing when I'm in the midst of some emotion & then when I reread the material later, in a rational frame of mind, it usually sounds ridiculous to me. So here's one I started back over the summer, on a day when I was struggling with old ghosts in particular.
Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I am my own worst critic. I am SUPER hard on myself for what I see now as mistakes that I have made in my former lives. I've been trying to learn to let go of things for years, with some good results and some...well...let's just say I think I'll forever be a work in progress. Looking back is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I remember being a kid and always thinking to myself, "I wish I wouldn't have done that, said that, watched that, etc." That has been my mindset about several specific things for a longer period of time than I care to admit.
In relation to my job working with adolescents, I have read a bit about cutting and how it pulls people who injure themselves that way. As a matter of fact, there's a song by the band Plumb called "Cut" that seems to describe it perfectly. I have never participated in this kind of self-mutilation, but what I do to myself when I keep looking back almost feels that way. Why would anyone do this to themselves? A logical question. Normally I find myself to be fairly logical and practical. But practicality goes out the window when I decide to stroll down memory lane. It goes back to what I was saying earlier about being my own worst critic. I made my bed...I have to lie in it, etc., but now I am punishing myself, which is a sin of pride. Jesus has already forgiven me, so why can't I forgive myself?
One of my favorite blogs, angiesmithonline.com, posted something that recently that made me want to write about looking back. I don't want to end up like Lot's wife. You can read Angie's post about Lot & his wife here. And while you're at it, read Angie's story when you have time. It's an amazing story of how faith and faith alone saves us. Does faith make everything perfect and wonderful? No. Not at all. But on those really horrible days, faith is what makes life liveable and worthwhile.
Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I am my own worst critic. I am SUPER hard on myself for what I see now as mistakes that I have made in my former lives. I've been trying to learn to let go of things for years, with some good results and some...well...let's just say I think I'll forever be a work in progress. Looking back is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I remember being a kid and always thinking to myself, "I wish I wouldn't have done that, said that, watched that, etc." That has been my mindset about several specific things for a longer period of time than I care to admit.
In relation to my job working with adolescents, I have read a bit about cutting and how it pulls people who injure themselves that way. As a matter of fact, there's a song by the band Plumb called "Cut" that seems to describe it perfectly. I have never participated in this kind of self-mutilation, but what I do to myself when I keep looking back almost feels that way. Why would anyone do this to themselves? A logical question. Normally I find myself to be fairly logical and practical. But practicality goes out the window when I decide to stroll down memory lane. It goes back to what I was saying earlier about being my own worst critic. I made my bed...I have to lie in it, etc., but now I am punishing myself, which is a sin of pride. Jesus has already forgiven me, so why can't I forgive myself?
One of my favorite blogs, angiesmithonline.com, posted something that recently that made me want to write about looking back. I don't want to end up like Lot's wife. You can read Angie's post about Lot & his wife here. And while you're at it, read Angie's story when you have time. It's an amazing story of how faith and faith alone saves us. Does faith make everything perfect and wonderful? No. Not at all. But on those really horrible days, faith is what makes life liveable and worthwhile.
